I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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