I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
