lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
