I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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