I think I won the penis lottery.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
