My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
