It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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