i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
