I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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