Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
