I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
