i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
