Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
