whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The uberlube is also flammable
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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