So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
