Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
