why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
