Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
