arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
