Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
