16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
did you just send me my own nude
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
