I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
