someone owes me an orgasm
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
