id be glad to
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
