Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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