he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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