you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
