i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
