I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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