Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
