I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We left the knife in your bed.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
