You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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