am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
