i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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