There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
