come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
