lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
