anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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