OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
