i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
