my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
