I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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