so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
