thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
