You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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