I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
