Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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