I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
