drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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