and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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