I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
