Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
