you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
