Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
